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theindustriousphilosopher
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Name: Emily
Birthday: 12/30/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: Singing,music, philosophy, swimming, acting, rock climbing, badminton, working out, dance, dogde ball, tennis all sorts of stuff!
Expertise: Everything ;)
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Media
Message: message me
MSN: lit_emmers@hotmail.com
Member Since:
2/19/2004
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| I use to think that God has in mind for us "the one"
The one we are meant to marry. The truth is, there are only a few cases in the bible where God specifically wanted His (Jesus) decent line to match with Mary and have Joseph be her husband (not the official father of Christ, we know).
In the bible, God commands us that it is better to marry than to lust; if we are to help each other be more like Christ. (New Testament)
True loves waits (Song of Songs)
Do not be un-equally yoked (Paul in New Testament- I think Paul)
All these years I've been begging God to tell me who the one is...There was an occasion were I asked it and He answered me "I am the One" DUH Emily! Unfortunately I kept taking that as "does this mean I won't be getting married!?" Instead of fully enjoying God showing me and sharing with me, I kept obsessing by marriage.
Then, knowing He was the one for me, and that I am the bride of Christ (as is the whole Christian body) that we should be married. I had the wedding ceremony that I had written about a couple of years ago...God and I didn't quite make it to the "honeymoon" and "moving in together" as much as I had wanted.
Later, I've been making our honeymoons, without knowing, it to be us dancing. Usually at this point when I imagine what God would do if He was in the room with me, would be Him and I dancing. I pictured it being really romantic and we're so in love. Other times it would be us snuggling together on the couch, and in a few occasions, it's been us sitting together on the bus, Him holding me.
At one point, I remember after being told I'd have to move out of my friend's house, (before Melissa's) I was praying about where I should live and who I should live with. I was invited earlier with Melissa for a short stay if I wanted- that turned out to be until that December. I was crying and with my hands on my face sitting alone -purposely-I was telling God I was scared of living alone...at the same time I didn't exactly want another roommate. I had asked Him before for my own place, but then I grew scared of something happening to me, or just being really lonely by myself. I told God "I don't want to live alone! I don't know who to live with do you want me to live alone or to live with someone? "I don't want you to live alone," Oh...I didn't know what answer I wanted to hear..."I want to live with you..." My breathe left my lungs for that brief second. "REALLY!? You wanna live with me!?!? Ok! Let's do it! We'll live together! We are married after all! Why didn't I really have you move in before?"
I told Melissa the story, but at the time I think she was a bit distraction and I told her "I want to live with you." She thought I meant with her. She got excited and I was surprised. I then said something to the extent of "well, that's not what I meant, I don't know if I want to or not, I don't want to lose our friendship and have you hate me lol."
After hanging out with her more, with Mark and Quan, I felt a peace at her apartment, I loved looking out over the balcony and its beautiful view.This is when I begged God for a boyfriend and He said to me "It's just not the right time yet". I told Him I'd wait. This is where I felt I was the princess in a tower. One day I looked at the spot where my room was coming home on the bus and I thought "God saved me a spot-reserved it-just for me".Than as the story goes, Melissa became pregnant and they no longer had room for me and I had to go home because I didn't get enough hours at work and therefore didn't have enough money to get my own apt. I went back to my parents, met Arthur, got pregnant and moved here with Arthur and my mom co-signed a lease for us. A long story short again, Arthur and I broke up and Jessica and I are together in our one bedroom.
Just last night, I called upon the Lord and asked Him to move with me. So we snuggled on the couch and just imagined dancing together again.
So the Lord lives with me now officially and I am asking and begging Him to be the Lord of my life forever and for me to NEVER replace Him with anyone or anything. Please God for that :D
So I believe now, that as long as the Lord is "the One"- the love of my life entirely and I am counting on HIM being "the ONE" that if I do this, I will marry who I choose because I wouldn't be going wrong- as well my future husband would be choosing me too :) A husband should more be a bonus to the relationship you and I should have. :D
Thank God for choices!
I love you Lord, let me always follow you as close as I can and please give me the desires of my heart to be married to have a helper- to get me closer to you and get me to heaven and to make me more Christ-like because of forming due to mine and my future husband's faults- the way my dear beautiful friend Missina wrote so beautifully in her post- or maybe it was Dustin- either way, they are wise and always seeking you; let them be a secondary influence as you are the first.
Amen
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| This post will not be the best written, but right now I want to write it because my flesh is weak though my spirit is willing.
Continuing on about the actual subject about how God and I were married a good couple of years ago now lol, it has come to my attention that I hadn't been officially ordained and crowned "Princess" now that God is my King ( I wouldn't become a queen in this relationship lol) as God is both a husband and a dad (but not in a gross earthly sense).
I went to a single mom's camp, as I have been single now for about a month now, (different story) and it was great. I learned that God has a lot of plans for me and that I have a lot to do for Him. I should have clarified what offically "I have a lot to do" meant. I don't know if that meant I will be doing a lot for God or that it means "right now I have a lot of things I need to do." I kinda concluded both. Something else that she told me was that God was aware of how much I loved Him and He wants me to connect with Him more. I want to know God more, and I do love Him and I'm so happy He knows that. I'm happy to know that what I have is real. I pray that I want to love Him and I pray that I love Him more. Usually people here that "God loves you" but I just loved that it was "I am aware that you love me" as in, it's the next part of the discussion.
I may be redundant here, but I want to enforce this point:
"I love you Emily"
"I love you too God"
"I know that you love me"
It's awesome! I need to really connect with God- which at this point in my life I think it's about seeking after Him again, continually learning about Him. It wasn't until tonight that I've realized my next step after having my beautiful baby is to use the extra time I have on my hands (having not gone back to work) for the glory of God. The best thing I can do with this time is learn about God. I can study and fellowship with others and that we can mentor and teach each other!
A friend and I have begun to read one of A.W Tolser's books "the Pursuit of God"- wow, awesome. It made me love God all the more and I may comment and talk more about this book later, especially as we'll read on.
So, returning back, the single mom's camp included worship services and a spa day where our kids, and my baby were being babysat by some young, but qualified women.
Originally, the pastor told us we were leaving at a specific time despite the last evening service concluding the weekend. I, in fact, was one of the people who longed to go home as it was getting cold out and I knew my baby was getting hungry and tired; seeing as she nurses, I wanted to just get her on the bus and give her that time to feed rather than having to send her tired and not accepting bottles or me missing parts of the service to feed her.
However, it was God's will that we went to the service. The group decided to go to the service because they informed us the service wasn't going to last as long as the others, and more of the group wanted to be there for it.
During this service, the sermon was about how we are called to royalty, being children of God. The lady talked about how we are all called to be royalty to take our rightful place, but not everyone responds to the call.
After speaking about this, they call us to the front for prayer and a blessing over us before we left and all of a sudden they bring out these golden crowns! (dollar store ones, but crowns nonetheless) They then and there crowned us princess' of the Lord! WOW What a special moment for a bunch of single mothers! Praise God! I had my best friend Melissa with me and we were both so excited together and it was a real strength for us to have that, a real encouragement. When we both looked at each other after having our crowns, we both told each other how we really looked like we were princesses. She had her lovely flowing red hair down and she was wearing a blanket over her shoulders because it was cold. I knew already she was beautiful, but at that moment I wondered why I really thought she looked like a REAL princess (at least the ones in Disney lol) I figured out it was because she was wearing a blanket that looked like it was a robe! How appropriate was that!
During that special moment it was the lady who told me God know I love Him who crowned me, and when she did, she held my face in her hands for a good two seconds, and it felt like it was God saying He was proud of me. I felt His love and the love of a fellow beloved Christian woman, one who I look up to.
A friend of mine who picked me up after we returned said I was glowing when I came off the bus with my crown. Being in the last group of people to be dropped off, I was the only one who was wearing a crown and even if I wasn't the only one, I was the first one on the bus to come off with my crown on. I felt even more special when as he was helping me load up his car, he referred to me as "princess".
So now that I've been married to God, though within those years I've been an unfaithful wife, He has crowned me His princess!
When I came home I was even more ecstatic, probably because everything hit me and I realized how real it was. During that night the devil really tried to get me. Something happened and usually something like would have ruined my night...it was almost a good thing that my friend, she wasn't the one who wronged me, but she said "sorry to have ruined your night"- all of a sudden I knew what the whole thing was about. I said "No!" and I put the crown back on my head and said that I am the Lord's princess and something like this won't bother me, I am worth more than the issue!
Thank you my Lord and Master for crowning me your princess!
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| Wow Jessica, you are my princess!
You are getting smarter and more beautiful and cute every time I look at you.
You right now are bouncing on my lap and touching and eating my hands lol. You are busy observing what the world around you is. You also squeal and laugh- which no singing or music could match of how pleasant it is to my ears and to all that hear you. Your dad and I have made a lot of videos of you to savour our memories of you and to get the chance to show you when you're older how wonderful you are now, here are a couple of picture we JUST took!
  Everyone tells me how good of a baby you are and it followed through with what my friend Rachael said her dream was of you. She said you had big blue eyes and were really happy and never cried. You now only cry when you want attention (to be picked up, not being alone) or if you're uncomfortable (in your position, hungry or tired). I'm getting more of the hang out this so you make me excited to see your growth and development, but I've been making sure I cherish you just the way you are NOW and not to rush you because I want to appreciate every moment of this. Yay! I love you so much and I have been praying for you, along with my church :)
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| Oh God I sigh to You
How much You have helped me and how much You love me
I seek after what You want for me now in this moment
I have my heart only set on You
You have convicted me of my sin
I now need to repent- and I mean literally stop where I'm going and turn the other direction in terms of sin
I need to not turn back to sin
You have waited for me to open up to You
I've done nothing but talk to You and ask You for things
I try occasionally to listen and sometimes have a real conversation with You
But I feel as if I have opened my heart to you and let myself feel your warmth
My heart has had idols
They need to be destroyed by the Holy Spirits fire and realized that God is the only god
I don't want to take the easy road and find out there was a better way there
I don't want to enter in the "broad" gateway that the lazy do
I want to make my own way there- the direction You have lead me to
I don't even care if I have to walk on a fine line, as long as I'm on it
I've been such a liar- and about such stupid things too
Every time I lie- it's literally another slash to your back
Another time mocking You
You are sovereign Lord
One that deserves only the best
But you accept us
Something I was taught about being stubborn- it's just as bad as carving the golden idols ourselves and praising them-WOW. A while ago when I read that in Exodus-years ago in fact- I thought the Hebrews were being retarded after TWO DAYS of being rescued y God from the Egyptians in a miraculous way of parting the red sea, that during the TWO DAYS Moses was gone with God on the mountain, the people melted their gold, made it a golden calf and starting dancing and praising it!
"I wouldn't have done such a stupid thing!" I'd say to the King, Or so I'd think...
How many times has God saved me in so many ways in my life- to me just getting right back into trouble- whether it'd be stubbornness, selfishness, lying, or worshiping other idols by replacing God for people, places or things?
How could I then say to God about the Hebrews: Wow, these people were stupid!!!! How pathetic!!
I've done the same, if not worse then them, and I shouldn't be judging in the first place.
I have a new found hope and reminder of how sinless and pure we should really be- how really we should be evangelizing each and every day. If we were given one day before the second coming of Christ- what would we do? Who would we speak to? If you really thought that way, those are the people you should be telling this NOW.
Of course we'd be hoping we'd be running around the streets and knocking on doors warning everyone and explaining the gospel etc. We should be taking advantage of opportunities God gives us to witness every day- but if there were names that immediately popped into your head, those for sure are the people on your heart that you need to pray for and witness to so that they may also know Jesus and make Him their Lord.
I've learned so much in even just the last two days- being fed with God's word
It's encouraged me to read the bible more and be focused on Jesus and His purpose for my life.
I loved the moments that I had in the car with these strong Christians, I felt the presence of the Lord there. I felt His strength with us- He was in the seat next to my baby-He was there! Praise God!
I'm going to also try and pray in this way:
Praising God for His glory and sovereignty
Thanking God for what He's given me
Requesting and Asking for what I need
Praying for Others
Forgiving others who've hurt me
Thank Him for answering my prayers
I am attempting to mimic what the Lord's Prayer- the one Jesus taught how we should pray, let the Lord remind me always to pray like this so He is always praised and thanked.
May the Lord keep me in good health so that I can continue to do what He wants and for me to take care of my special gift- may she be in God's grace and be saved as well for I know He loves my Jessica
I am a princess in my 5th floor apartment, waiting for my true love...the Lord of Lords
You're the One I've had my heart out for
You are the One
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| My dear 4 month old,
You are not 16lbs and are absolutely adorable! You are starting to giggle more and have a bigger smile and it's easier to make you smile- which we try to do all the time. You smile at others now too, strangers and some of my friends and family.
People at church always ask about you and love to see you at church- you are very loved there. They also tell me I'm doing a good job- which is always nice to hear! I always want to be the best mom for you, and when I put you down to sleep in your crib because you won't go to sleep on your own, it's hard for me to hear you cry. You always fall asleep very shortly, and if not, I usually comfort you a bit more, feed you a bit more etc.
I took you swimming a couple more times and you've LOVED it. I also let your dad hold you and let you watch me swim to show you what you'd be able to do later and gave you something to look forward to. You can now roll from your belly to your back! I was there watching it when it happened. You were laying on your belly on a blanket on the carpet of one of my friend's apartments and you leaned back and had one leg folded onto the other (one was crossed and the other was straight out) and I'm assuming the arm you rolled onto was underneath you, as to not get in the way...and there was that moment your body was suspended in the air before you continued to roll-you starred at me before you finished the roll. I spoke with enthusiasm to my friends who were present how I was so proud of you and how that was the first time you had ever done that. They were all delighted to know they were the first to witness. :D It's great to watch you learn with all of your new facial expressions and actions- your very precise fingers latching onto me or your beginning to reach your arms out to me- trying to communicate that you want me to pick you up!
All of your grandmas and grandpas love you so much, along with your great grandparents- both sets! I've been blessed that I haven't lost any immediate grandparents myself yet, and so I'm really happy they got to meet you.
I may have already mentioned this, but you've been such a joy to my life and to all around me. You've helped a lot of my immediate family issues- they all love me because of you. I'm no longer the "failure" of the family, I'm the first one who gave them a baby- my parents become grandparents, my brothers and sister became your uncles and aunt. They all think you're just perfect, beautiful and so cute!
I'm starting to eat more vegetables for you and you're starting to not need me to help you burp as much- which helps you be more comfortable and so there's less crying! lol But you've never been too much to handle- and you're more than worth it.
One of the most recent ways your dad and I have made you smile is that your dad will make a funny rap beat song that makes her lips look funny and I'll bounce you on my knee and you just squeal! lol You make a lot of sounds now too- and I swear that when you cry you say "wawa" and sometimes "ma" and sometimes"mum".
Just yesterday I heard you say "ba". It's good that you're recognizing that mama is 2 syllables- and "wa " is easier than "ma". You'll get there ;)
This letter to see may seem a little scattered, but I was so excited to tell you- about you! You're so precious and special to me and a lot of people around you. There are a lot of people who are praying for you. :D
You dad and I love you so much!
Love
Mommy and Daddy
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